What is Music Association Training in D/s relationships?
First things first, I am in no means an expert in this field. I do have a therapy background and a vague understanding of music therapy, but I do not have a certification or specific training. I don’t think there even would be one considering how much of the lifestyle is unique to the submissive and dominant living in it.
For those of you who don’t know me, I am an erotic author with Changeling Press and Dreamspinner Press. I am also currently searching for a submissive and have found my search to be quite interesting. Out of everything I offer, and I mean EVERYTHING, I get asked about Music Association the most. So I thought I’d explain to anyone else out there who really loves music and wants to use it when training a submissive or try it out themselves.
What exactly is association?
In this context, think of it like operant conditioning. You know, behavioral theories and stuff. When a pet is good, they get a treat. When they are bad, they get ignored. Except with music, the reward and punishment has a lasting affect.
Think about it this way. If you listened to the same song while eating your favorite ice cream over and over and over, then you heard the song without having any… wouldn’t you want to go get some?
Which song should I pick?
The song has to be important to you and unique to what you are using it for. Although there are an abundance of slave songs, including “I’m a Slave 4 U” by Britney Spears, perhaps that might not be the best one. Not unless it means a lot to you already.
Regardless, the song needs to be determined by you and you alone before you start the association. If you have already met your submissive by this point and are looking to try something new, you have an even better insight as to what might really hit their feels. If you haven’t, like me, then pick a song that means a lot to you. Words aren’t necessarily important, although something in a language they don’t understand might not be the way to go.
What if your submissive really hates the song?
Depends. What context is the song being used? If they are being punished, it really doesn’t matter how they feel because they aren’t supposed to be enjoying themselves. If they are being rewarded with an orgasm and they hate the song so much they can’t get aroused, then you probably want to reconsider. After all, if they aren't providing the reaction you want, the whole idea of the association is kind of pointless.
So how do you use the song?
My favorite way to use this song is through orgasm control/denial. This is tricky if you are searching for your submissive because you don’t want to get overly dominant before they are ready. So be very specific with what you expect and want. If you already know your submissive, then this part is very easy.
AFTER meeting first in a public place, determine when you are going to meet for the scene. Then this is what I say/do.
Three days before our expected date, he/she gives up complete control over his/her orgasm. He/she are to edge every night at least once while listening to the same song. I don’t ask if he/she like it. I don’t ask if they’ve heard it. I just tell him/her what it is. Then the day of the scene, when/if you allow him/her release, play the song. Look at his/her reaction then. This might take months or a year, but one day, if they hear the song on the radio…what do you think his/her first reaction is going to be?
How do I know if my submissive is actually listening to the song?
You don’t! Not unless you live with him/her. But the point is he/she wants to submit so you have to have faith he/she will do what you ask.
Everything in BDSM and the lifestyle is consensual on both sides. It’s probably not a good idea to meet a man/woman and then tell him/her to do this for you if he/she isn’t comfortable. Don’t force, just ask. Most of the men I have been “interviewing” for the position of my submissive have been very interested.
One thing I don’t ever do is give away the name of my songs. They are very special to me and I want the submissive I finally tell to know what that means.
I hope this helped! Whether you were looking for something to spice up the bedroom with your partner or are looking for slave training techniques, this is definitely at the top of my list. Now I am actively looking for a submissive, I plan on posting more. Next time I will talk more about fetlife, an online site used to finding others into kink.