What is Music
Association Training in D/s relationships?
First things
first, I am in no means an expert in this field. I do have a therapy background
and a vague understanding of music therapy, but I do not have a certification
or specific training. I don’t think there even would be one considering how
much of the lifestyle is unique to the submissive and dominant living in it.
For those of you
who don’t know me, I am an erotic author with Changeling Press and Dreamspinner
Press. I am also currently searching for a submissive and have found my search
to be quite interesting. Out of everything I offer, and I mean EVERYTHING, I
get asked about Music Association the most. So I thought I’d explain to anyone
else out there who really loves music and wants to use it when training a
submissive or try it out themselves.
What exactly is association?
In this context,
think of it like operant conditioning. You know, behavioral theories and stuff.
When a pet is good, they get a treat. When they are bad, they get ignored.
Except with music, the reward and punishment has a lasting affect.
Think about it
this way. If you listened to the same song while eating your favorite ice cream
over and over and over, then you heard the song without having any… wouldn’t
you want to go get some?
Which song should I pick?
The song has to
be important to you and unique to what you are using it for. Although there are
an abundance of slave songs, including “I’m a Slave 4 U” by Britney Spears,
perhaps that might not be the best one. Not unless it means a lot to you
already.
Regardless, the
song needs to be determined by you and you alone before you start the
association. If you have already met your submissive by this point and are
looking to try something new, you have an even better insight as to what might
really hit their feels. If you haven’t, like me, then pick a song that means a
lot to you. Words aren’t necessarily important, although something in a
language they don’t understand might not be the way to go.
What if your submissive really hates the
song?
Depends. What
context is the song being used? If they are being punished, it really doesn’t
matter how they feel because they aren’t supposed to be enjoying themselves. If
they are being rewarded with an orgasm and they hate the song so much they
can’t get aroused, then you probably want to reconsider. After all, if they
aren't providing the reaction you want, the whole idea of the association is
kind of pointless.
So how do you use the song?
My favorite way
to use this song is through orgasm control/denial. This is tricky if you are
searching for your submissive because you don’t want to get overly dominant
before they are ready. So be very specific with what you expect and want. If
you already know your submissive, then this part is very easy.
AFTER meeting
first in a public place, determine when you are going to meet for the scene.
Then this is what I say/do.
Three days
before our expected date, he/she gives up complete control over his/her orgasm.
He/she are to edge every night at least once while listening to the same song.
I don’t ask if he/she like it. I don’t ask if they’ve heard it. I just tell
him/her what it is. Then the day of the scene, when/if you allow him/her
release, play the song. Look at his/her reaction then. This might take months
or a year, but one day, if they hear the song on the radio…what do you think
his/her first reaction is going to be?
How do I know if my submissive is actually
listening to the song?
You don’t! Not
unless you live with him/her. But the point is he/she wants to submit so you
have to have faith he/she will do what you ask.
Remember.
Everything in BDSM and the lifestyle is
consensual on both sides. It’s probably not a good idea to meet a man/woman and
then tell him/her to do this for you if he/she isn’t comfortable. Don’t force,
just ask. Most of the men I have been “interviewing” for the position of my
submissive have been very interested.
One thing I don’t ever do is give away the
name of my songs. They are very special to me and I want the submissive I
finally tell to know what that means.
I hope this
helped! Whether you were looking for something to spice up the bedroom with
your partner or are looking for slave training techniques, this is definitely
at the top of my list. Now I am actively looking for a submissive, I plan on
posting more. Next time I will talk more about fetlife, an online site used to
finding others into kink.
Smooches!
